Announcement: Beginning August 1st, the cafeteria will no longer accept cash. We understand that this will negatively affect our patients more than anyone else, especially the older population of patients. But don’t worry, we will continue to publicly espouse, and shove down your throats, our pillar of commitment to patient-centeredness.

Thank you for your attention to this matter.

With sincerest human regards,

Upper Management

PS. Don’t forget to fill out the Big Survey where we’ve made your options very simple: a) be honest and cause trouble for the lower managers who can’t do anything about the problems you have, or b) lie, preferably with a smile on your face.

Have a great day!